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Author: Carolyn

Totality.

Posted by Carolyn on August 21, 2017 Leave a Comment

Today was my first time being in the moon’s shadow.  I say that because I’m now sure that it won’t be my last time.

I don’t know where to start this post.  I could start by talking about the young adult novel I read years ago, where three kids witness a full solar eclipse – and how reading that book convinced me that I need to be in the path someday.  Or I could start by talking about Harriet’s connection with the moon – and how realizing that this would be her birthday convinced me that we all needed to witness it.  Or I could talk about how our house was in 99.6% totality and how I knew – I just knew that wouldn’t be enough.  I could start with all the hype around how Oregon was going to be a madhouse and the traffic would make getting to totality impossible.  I don’t know.  I guess I’ll just tell the story of how we we ended up in the shadow of the moon for over a minute and a half.

A couple days before the eclipse, I mapped out how many different ways we could get from our home in Eugene, to totality in Corvallis.  I figured it would be the best bet since there were so many roads in and out of Corvallis, and having gone to college there, we knew lots of the back roads that we could take.  First contact was to start at 9:05am, and we left Eugene around 8.  We figured we’d get as far north as we could, and just pull off into some farmer’s field if needed.  I pictured traffic backing up through the small towns, and as we approached Corvallis.  No such luck.  We hit absolutely no traffic the whole way up.  None.

As we drove up the highway, and entered the zone of totality, a great weight lifted.  I was there.  I knew I was in the path.  The further north we drove, the better it would be, but if we stopped where we were, we’d at least get a few seconds of shadow.  But further north we went.  We saw people sitting along side country roads with telescopes set up, waiting.  The more people we saw, the more the anticipation grew.

We parked by the football stadium, and walked to a field next to the dorm where we met.  The moment we set out our blanket, a cheer broke out.  First contact.  We put on our glasses, and sure enough, a little bite had been taken out of the sun.  Harriet was enthralled.  She sat silently gazing.  She would have watched the whole eclipse if we had let her, but I wanted her to rest her eyes.  Even with the glasses on, I knew it was important to give our eyes a rest.

For the next hour or so, we checked the sun, chatted with other viewers, looked through pin-hole viewers, noticed that Jesse’s hat was a very effective pin-hole viewer, sending hundreds of little eclipsed suns all over his arms and face.

At 9:45 it got cold.  The Californian next to me commented how how the cool breeze felt good.  It took me a moment to realize it was more than just the breeze.  The air had shifted.  The light had shifted.  It looked like twilight, but different.  The shadows were crisper.  The light was silver instead of gold.  Our shadows were short instead of long.  It was very strange and very awesome.  The earth was changing and we could all sense it.

At 10:11, we all put our glasses on and I told the girls that we should just keep watching until totality.  Cheers were going up all around as the sliver of the moon got smaller and smaller.  The energy of the crowd made me so happy that we were experiencing it with hundreds of other people.  It was a human experience and we all witnessed the world change for a moment, together.

The sun got smaller and smaller then it was gone.  I heard Jesse say, “Look at it!  Look at it!” and I took my glasses off.  I can’t describe what I saw.  What I saw was magic and huge and small and unreal and more perfect and real than anything I’ve ever seen in my entire life.  I wanted to laugh, scream, cry, dance, and never stop seeing it.  I wanted to see it everyday for the rest of my life.  I wanted to burn the image into my mind and never forget it.  I tore my eyes from the glowing moon to look around at the earth.  It was dark and strange.  I laughed out loud at the fact that it was as dark as night.  Streetlights flicked on.  Venus shone down at us.  Everything glowed with a silver sheen.

It was the longest, and the shortest, minute and forty seconds of my life. I looked back to the moon, and saw that it was brightening.  As I put my glasses back on, I saw a flash of the diamond ring effect.  The crescent of the sun grew bigger and bigger.

Just after totality. Already getting brighter out, but still with the silvery light.

As we packed up our things and left the field, I knew I was surrounded by hundreds of people who were changed, like I was.  Harriet asked if we could do it again tomorrow.  If only, my little luna girl, if only.  I know that it was worth the risk of traffic.  It was worth so much more than that.  I know now that I would brave hours of travel and traffic to be in the moon’s shadow again  After we ate lunch, I put my glasses back on and saw a sun that was back to normal.  I knew that the moon was out there, somewhere, invisible to my eyes, but I knew it was there.  That moon, that powerful, graceful moon, when I see it again in our sky it will never look the same.  It will be the normal shape, normal size, it will wax and wane like it has forever, but to me, it will be forever changed.

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Posted in: gave thanks. | Tagged: solar eclipse

Dear Harriet, Age Four

Posted by Carolyn on August 21, 2017 Leave a Comment

Dear Harriet,

I love this blurry photo of us for a few reasons.  First, I’m in it with you and I think it’s important that I get in the shot too, sometimes.  Second, just look at your sweet smile.  We were camping here, and girl, do you love camping.  You love exploring and running and playing and sleeping and swimming and building and s’mores.

This past year has been a doozy.  You definitely followed the trend of three-year-olds being difficult and stubborn.  You showed your opinion quite clearly, to say the least.  You only wanted me to help you and cuddle you and read to you and carry you – dad just wouldn’t do.  You wouldn’t eat anything that wasn’t exactly what you wanted.  You wanted what you wanted and you wanted it when you wanted it.  And it was hard.  Three was hard.

Luckily, the last couple months of three, things started to change.  You started to ask for daddy before me.  You became more flexible and less frustrating.  Thank you so much for that.  Really, Harriet, thank you for that.

Right now you are so much fun.  You are funny and creative.  You fiercely love the people in your life.  You have strong connections with people and are incredibly loyal.  You have changed from being stubborn to being strong (it’s an important difference to note).  I love to hear your opinions and your ideas.  You are so brave and are always willing to try new things, usually with a bit of gentle encouragement.  Last year you were scared to get your face wet, this year you’re swimming without your floaties and going down the big slide at the pool.  Last year you wouldn’t try your balance bike, this year you’re almost ready for pedals.

Four years ago, you were born on a Blue Moon.  Today, we will witness a full solar eclipse.   The planets have aligned.  I’ve always loved the moon, and since you were born four years ago, I’ve loved it even more with the connection between your birth and the moon.  Today we will stand in the moon’s shadow.  I think there is something to this, my girl.  You are my little moon girl and you were born to do great, big things.

Next year we will be getting ready for kindergarten.  But for today, and for this year, I want you to stay my little child, my baby.  No need to rush things, my Hattie Girl.  No need to stop sleeping in my arms.  No need to stop asking for my help.  Ne need to run too far or climb too high.

You are my girl and I love you to the moon and back a million times.

All my love,
Mommy

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Posted in: created., letters for my daughters, writing | Tagged: birthday letter, dear harriet, letter, letters, my daughters

AUGUST 2017: CURRENTLY

Posted by Carolyn on August 10, 2017 Leave a Comment

reading Wonder by Raquel J. Palacio.

listening to lots of different things.

eating away from home too much.

planning a night out.

thinking there might be karaoke and dancing.

getting caught up on Blaugust Vlaugust August.

trying to motivate myself to sew.

watching the girls pretend that it’s snowing.

cleaning the house.

feeling discouraged that it instantly gets messy again.

wanting to just give up.

sweating.

wishing for rain.

choking in all the smoke from the fires.

wanting to see the eclipse.

worrying that it won’t work out.

weighing all the different ways we could get to the path of totality.

hoping our world leaders keep their shit together and don’t blow us all up.

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Posted in: currently | Tagged: blaugust, blaugust vlaugust august, currently

Playgroup Camp-out

Posted by Carolyn on July 27, 2017 Leave a Comment

Earlier this month we rented a whole group campsite for our playgroup.  It’s the perfect place for so many small people.  It is a place to run, to get toes wet, to roast things over a fire, to sing songs, to play on pirate ship logs, to stay awake too long, and to make some fun memories.

Two other families ended up joining us for the camping, while two other families camp up for the day.

I have loved watching these kids grow up together.  This fall, a huge number of them are starting kindergarten and that’s sort of unbelievable and really exciting.

 

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Posted in: parented., photography, playgroup | Tagged: camping, playgroup

JULY 2017: CURRENTLY

Posted by Carolyn on July 26, 2017 Leave a Comment

reading The Slow Regard of Silent Things by Patrick Rothfuss.

hearing rumors that his next book is coming out this fall.

checking his website and seeing no indication of this being true.

listening to Evynne’s cover of “No One Else”on repeat.

planning lots of things for myself and for the internet.

diffusing Christmas Spirit because it’s July and it’s too hot.

not caring what anyone has to say about it.

feeling disjointed about our summer routine.

wanting to get into a groove that is creative, fun, relaxed, and without whines.

knowing that it’s because I just want it to be autumn already.

eating not at home as much as feels right.

camping.

looking for rainclouds on the horizons.

not seeing any.

watching Game of Thrones and loving every new episode.

canning as much as I can can.

seeing friends.

playing in parks.

setting goals.

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Posted in: currently, learned. | Tagged: currently

Harriet’s New Quilt

Posted by Carolyn on July 18, 2017 3 Comments

This has taken me so long.  I think I bought the fabric last summer when we moved Harriet into a big bed.  Then I started sewing in October.  Then I finished the quilt top in the winter.  Then I quilted it in the spring.  I finally got about to binding this past weekend and Harriet was so happy and excited.  I am too.

I used the same pattern as I did with Alma’s big quilt.  But, again I had to modify it.  I wanted to try the color gradation, but that was only designed for queen sized quilts.  I had to put on my thinking hat, do some math, and hope for the best.  It actually worked out just right and I really love the finished effect.

I used the same color scheme as I did with Alma’s quilt, but it is mostly different fabrics.  I love these scrappy quilts because it’s fun to use fabrics with sentimental value and find cute little quirky fabrics – I like the idea of the quilts being like eye-spy books with hidden things.  Harriet’s favorites are the pink mermaid tails scattered throughout the quilt.

Here’s a photo of the front of the quilt:

And the back.  I love making quilt backs more interesting than just a big expanse of fabric:

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Posted in: created., sewing, sewing for my daughters | Tagged: quilt, quilting, sewing

Summer To-Do List, 2017

Posted by Carolyn on June 20, 2017 2 Comments

Oh, hey, summer! How are you?  Again, I’m pretty happy to see you.  We have lots of good plans for you and I’m so excited to get started.

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Posted in: created., gratitude, to do lists | Tagged: bucket list, list, summer, to do, to do list

Spring Book Report, 2017

Posted by Carolyn on June 15, 2017 1 Comment

All the Ugly and Wonderful Things by Bryn Greenwood.  This book was hard to put down, but also hard to read.  It was an amazing story that was touching and moving and heartbreaking.  It is told from different points of view, which, I’m learning, is a writing style that I find really interesting.  It did bother me, though, how some of the chapters were in first person, while some were in third.  I figured that the more important characters, who were living the story, were telling it in first person, while the characters who were more on the outside had a third person narrative.  But that wasn’t even true for all the chapters.  The story is about Wavy, who is a tragic little girl whose life has been difficult, at best.  I love child narrators and stories about children, and this book was no different.  At times, I felt so uncomfortable rooting for the love story because it was so such an unconventional love story.  My book club mostly agreed that this was a really good, well-liked book, that we would each have a hard time recommending to people because it made us feel uncomfortable.  But, I would totally recommend it to people.  If that makes sense at all.

Fun Home by Alison Bechdel.  I read this book after seeing Evynne’s Contemporary American Songbook show at the Shedd.  She did a few songs from the show that is based on this graphic novel.  I don’t read many graphic novels, so it was fun to do something a little different.  It is a beautifully written and drawn memoir about the author’s family – most specifically her father, who was gay and killed himself.  It is honest and dark and funny and I really enjoyed it.  Now I really want to see Fun Home performed.

Wishing Day By Lauren Myracle.  This is a really great story about a girl in a special town.  It’s a young adult novel that is part of a trilogy.  Natasha lives in Willow Hill, where every girl, when they turn 13, gets to make three wishes – The first wish is an impossible wish. The second is a wish she can make come true herself. And the third is the deepest wish of her secret heart.  Natasha is a typical 13 year old girl, but she lives in a world with magic and wishes that can come true.  There is a good mystery and the characters are fun and likeable.  The only thing I don’t like is something that I don’t like in a lot of young adult series these days – they just leave off on a cliffhanger.  I mean, I get that it’s fun to leave things open that need to be solved throughout the series, but I like some sense of closure.  JK Rowling did this really well in her series – even though we knew there were bigger issues that weren’t resolved, she closed up each book and left us with a satisfying ending.  Wishing Day almost seemed like a long introduction to the series – a lot of exposition of the setting and backstory.  That being said, I look forward to reading the other books when they come out, so I’m not that mad about it.

Are You My Mother? By Alison Bechdel.  This is a follow-up to Fun Home, but more about Alison’s mother this time.  It actually was more of a meta-book that was about how Alison and her mother connected throughout the writing of Fun Home.  It also goes into how Alison has dealt with her life through an in-depth study of psychoanalysis.  It actually brought up a lot of information and questions about how we raise children, and how the way we were raised as affected us as adults.  The narrative wasn’t as engaging as Fun Home, but the psychology was interesting to learn, and having it presented as a graphic novel certainly made the details easier to read and understand.

Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood.  This is my second time reading this one.  I read it with my book club a couple years ago and really enjoyed it (maybe ‘enjoyed’ is the wrong word).  I thought it was fascinating and I love this genre – the dystopian/ post-apocalyptic thing.  This book is particularly interesting because the future isn’t too distant.  I mean, Offred remembers a culture that is very similar to ours now and everything changes to the hyper-religious, hyper-patriarchal culture of Gilead within a couple years.  It’s fascinating, and more terrifying to think of things changing so quickly.  Obviously this book is well-written and well crafted, considering it is written by Atwood.  It’s beautiful and haunting and disturbing.  This time through, I was really struck by the fact that it doesn’t follow a typical narrative arch.  I mean, when you think about it, nothing really happens and nothing is ever really resolved.  This doesn’t sound like a glowing review, but literarily, it is really successful and really fascinating.

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Posted in: book review, learned. | Tagged: book report, book review

JUNE 2017: CURRENTLY

Posted by Carolyn on June 14, 2017 2 Comments

reading Angelfall by Susan Ee.

listening to Dear, Evan Hansen on repeat.

getting things in order for our summer.

planning our days.

wishing it were already summer.

feeling big nostalgic feelings.

watching Alma in her last few days of preschool.

thinking about big confusing things.

wanting it all to be more clear.

loving Jesse.

trying to keep my cool.

moving onward and upward.

building fun things.

quilting fun quilts.

watching dumb shows.

wasting too much time.

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Posted in: a little moment, currently, learned. | Tagged: currently

Fall & Winter Book Reports, 2016-2017

Posted by Carolyn on April 26, 2017 Leave a Comment

Rooms by Lauren Oliver.  This was a ghost story, but a really good one.  Creepy at times, though that wasn’t the main point as far as I could tell.  It is more of an exploration of a family.  There are a couple ghosts that live within a house, or they are the house, and they witness everything that happens when a family comes to pack up the house.  It was clever and the characters were interesting.

Boy Proof by Cecil Castellucci.  This was a really good young adult novel about a girl who is looking for her place and her people.  This is a well-written and simple story.  It is a coming of age story, but it is unique and creative.  I liked it.

Here I Am by Jonathan Safran Foer.  As many people know, Foer wrote my very favorite book of all time, so I was very anxious for this book to come out.  It wasn’t as good as Extremely Loud and Incredible Close, but it was a very good book.  It is about a family on the verge of collapse, but also about the world on the verge of collapse.  There were parts when I laughed out loud, and parts where I cried, and parts where I was just really confused about why I was reading it (if you’ve read it, you probably know that chapter I’m talking about).  All in all, I’d say I liked this book a lot.  It was hard to get through, but worth it.

Fly on the wall by E. Lockhart.  Another young adult novel about a girl who is looking for her place and her people.  She wishes to become a fly on the wall of the boy’s locker room, and her wish comes true.  Obviously an homage to Kafka, this modern story is pretty good.  Katya is a likeable, creative girl and her exploits are realistic and funny.

Big Little Lie by Laine Moriarty.  I read this because I was watching the HBO show and it wasn’t going fast enough.  I just couldn’t wait to know what happened and who died and who did it!  This is such a good mystery book.  The characters are all really interesting and the plot is so very creative.  It starts with someone dying at a school fundraiser, but you don’t find out who did it or even who died until the very end.  It is a difficult book because it tackles some difficult subjects.  But it’s a story of women and strength and relationships.  I really liked it.  Both the book and the show.

City of Bones by Cassandra Clare.  This is the first book in The Mortal Instruments series – a fantasy series for young adults.  I actually really liked the book and found it compelling.  Clary is the protagonist and she’s pretty cool, but it isn’t really the girl-power story that it could be.  Maybe that comes in the later books.  It’s mysterious and clever, but the dialog wasn’t super believeable.  I started the second book, but couldn’t get into it.  I think maybe I needed to take some time off before starting it.

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Posted in: book review | Tagged: book report, book review
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If God said, ‘Rumi pay homage to everything that has helped you enter my arms,’ there would not be one experience of my life, not one thought, not one feeling, nor any act, I would not bow to. -Rumi

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