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NOVEMBER 2017: CURRENTLY

Posted by Carolyn on November 29, 2017 Leave a Comment

reading Beasts of Extraordinary Circumstance by Ruth Emmie Lang.

listening to Christmas music (obviously).

loving our house in its twinkle-light-glow.

watching the houses around us pop their Christmas lights up.

dreaming up some fun new changes.

waiting.

looking at all the Christmas books with the girls.

remembering all the memories of childhood holidays.

slowing down to get ready for Advent.

walking in the rain with friends, whenever I can.

getting used to our new normals with the changes this year.

thinking of new ways to get involved and resist.

regretting that my gung-ho attitude that was kindled last November has dwindled.

knowing that it’s not too late to change.

understanding that something has to change.

gazing at the sky.

determining whether or not those are snow clouds (they’re not… yet).

getting ready for a fun filled Christmastime.

hoping.

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Posted in: a little moment, currently, learned. | Tagged: currently

OCTOBER 2017: CURRENTLY

Posted by Carolyn on October 19, 2017 Leave a Comment

reading Life After Life by Kate Atkinson.  Again.

listening to my Autumn playlist and a little bit of Christmas.

watching “The Good Place” with Jesse.

waiting patiently for my December Daily box to arrive.

feeling inspired to create.

waiting for the motivation to create.

missing our friend Jake.

helping.

working my way through the stages of grief and back again.

holding our friends in my heart all the time.

wanting to change.

wondering how grief works and how people come out on the other side.

having faith that this has been enough for one year.

missing Bennett.

wishing we could all see what he would be doing these days.

looking forward.

loving the cozy season that is full of colors and rain.

slowing down in preparation of Advent.

practicing gratitude because I can’t figure out any other way to approach life these days.

 

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Posted in: currently, gave thanks., gratitude, learned. | Tagged: autumn, currently

Pumpkin Beer Fest, 2017

Posted by Carolyn on October 16, 2017 2 Comments

The Twelve Pumpkin Beers of 2017. 

This was another fun Pumpkin Beer Fest, for sure.  This year (like the first two years: 2016 and 2015), was a night of fun, friends, snacks, laughter, and of course, beer.  Everyone brought a couple (or several) bottles for everyone to try out.  Like last year, some of our friends couldn’t make it, and we missed them, but the show must go on.  Also, I was excited to have my college roommate with us this year!

We used our traditional scoring rubric.

5 points:  I would drink more of this RIGHT NOW, and never want to drink anything else.
4 points:  I would totally drink this again and again.
3 points:  I would drink this if someone offered it to me, but probably wouldn’t buy it.
2 points:  Would drink if the only choices were this and Bud.
1 point:  Nope. Not ever again.

There are always discussions about how to rate a beer when it’s good, but not too pumpkin-y.  We usually leave that up to the rater to decide, personally.  Without further ado…. here are our results.  Cheers!

1st Place:  Night Owl, Elysian Brewing Company 4.07.  Once again, Elysian seems to have the right formula for a delicious pumpkin beer.  This one had just the right blend of pumpkin spice.  It wasn’t syrupy or too spicy or bitter.  Smooth, perfectly spiced, and wonderful.

2nd Place (tie): Great Gourds of Fire, Hopworks Urban Brewing 3.93. This one had a bit of a kick at the end.  It is brewed with the typical pumpkin spices, but also with some actual spice.  I didn’t really like that about this one, but the pumpkin spice was lovely, and it was a good, solid beer.  It was also our first, so perhaps that’s why it scores so well.  We’ll never know.

2nd Place (tie): Evan’s friend Evyn’s homebrew 3.93. This was perfectly smooth and easy to drink.  It had some good pumpkinness in it and it was delicious.  Good pumpkin beer, Evyn.

3rd Place: Pumpkin Pedaler, Stormbreaker Brewing 3.86.  I don’t remember this one.  I didn’t even remember to put this on the blog originally.  I’ve edited the post to add it, but I can’t say anything about it.  But it scored pretty well, so it must be good!

4th Place: The Great Pumpkin, Elysian Brewing Company 3.79. This was 2015’s winner, and still one of my favorites.  This one tastes like pumpkin pie, but in a really good way.  I still love this one.

5th Place: Pumpkin Bier, pFriem 3.71.  This was last year’s winner and it was delicious this year, too.  I think I scored it lower because I didn’t get the pumpkin spice out of this one like I wanted to.  It was a delicious, easy to drink beer, but, to me, it just tasted like a delicious beer.  I wanted more pumpkin.  Looking back at last year, I wrote that it had a gingery finish.  I didn’t get that this year.

6th Place: Imperial Pumpkin Porter, Epic Brewing 3.79. I don’t really like porters, or really pumpkin in porters.  I think I like my pumpkin in lighter beers so the spices dance around, instead of just sitting there in the darkness.  This was my favorite of the dark pumpkin beers, though.

7th Place: Pumpkin Smash, Cascade 3.14. Now, I love me a good sour and I love me a good pumpkin beer.  But, for some reason, these just didn’t add up for me.  I mean, when I was drinking it, I understood that it was good.  I understood that it was delicious. I understood that it was clever and fun.  But, I just couldn’t picture myself drinking much more than the taster.  Maybe because I think of sours in the summer, at the pool, and I think of pumpkin beers in autumn, warm and cozy.  Call me crazy.

8th Place: Pumpkin Patch Ale, Rogue 3.07.  I actually really liked this one.  It was good.  Jesse thought it tasted too much like actual pumpkins – he compared it to pumpkins rotting in a field.  I didn’t really taste that, but you know, to each their own.

9th Place: Jamaican Me Pumpkin, 10Barrel 2.29.  Besides having a really dumb name and being ridiculously hard to open, this beer just wasn’t much good.  It was syrupy and too sweet.

10th Place: Big Black Jack, Oakshire 2.5. This porter just tasted burned.  I don’t know if it’s the chocolate porter part of it, but it didn’t sit well.

11th Place: Pinchy Jeek Barl, Anderson Valley 1.43.  This one was bad.  It is aged in bourbon barrels and it just tasted like gross bourbon.  Pumpkin beer or bourbon- pick one, ya know?

That’s all!  There you have it!  Our scientific, fool-proof list of which pumpkin beers to drink this year.

Also, I think it’s interesting that we were all in a more middle of the road mood this year.  We usually have a much larger spread of ratings.  It would be interesting to look back and see what was going on in the world when we did these ratings.  Last year, everything was all about the campaign and so divided and everyone had strong opinions on everything.  The first year (when we were all more innocent – in many ways), there were five beers that scored over 4 points – we were more hopeful and happy and generous.  This year we’re just jaded and not willing to commit to things being good OR bad.  Or something.  I’m obviously not a sociologist or a beer expert, so don’t take my word for any of this.

 

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Posted in: ate., beer | Tagged: autumn, beer, pumpkin beer, pumpkin beer fest

Autumn To Do, 2017

Posted by Carolyn on September 21, 2017 3 Comments

Today is the first day of Autumn.  Finally.  I love this time of year, when the light is fading, shadows get longer, our leaves do their lovely swan-song-and-dance.  It’s a time for fresh starts, nostalgia, dreaming, and turning inside – literally and metaphorically.

I’ve hinted at this a bit on the blog, but this summer was really hard, starting in the last couple weeks of school last year.  Some really difficult and confusing things happened at the girls’ school, and I was dragged into it despite all my efforts to remain on the outside.  I was betrayed by someone who I had previously trusted with my most important things.  This person spread rumors of the worst kind about me, and was acting irrationally and incredibly unprofessionally. She not only betrayed me, but she also completely wrote my daughters out of her life, which, honestly was much harder to deal with.  I spent the whole summer thinking about how to – and whether or not to – process it all on my blog.  Although we’re doing everything we can to move on from the situation, it’s still on my mind, and still makes me angry and sad whenever I think about it.  I guess I’m writing all of this down right now in order to move on with a fresh start, into Autumn.  It’s hard because this person has played a big, fun role in some of our Autumn traditions, and I know I will feel her absence and her betrayal acutely during those things.

But, I’m all about fresh starts and moving on, so that’s what I’ll do now.

Here’s what I want to do this Autumn:

  1. Pumpkin Patch with the playgroup
  2. Pumpkin Patch with our friends
  3. Hayrides.  All of them.
  4. Eat so many apples
  5. Pumpkin brew fest
  6. Eat as many Thanksgiving dinners as I can finagle my way into
  7. Halloween costumes
  8. Diffuse all the Autumn scents
  9. Walk with friends
  10. Write some letters
  11. Listen to as much nostalgic and melancholy music as my soul can handle
  12. Decorate for Christmas far too early
  13. #30daysofgratitude and #30daysofgratitudeATT
  14. Resist
  15. Plan Advent activities
  16. Anniversary date
  17. Go trick or treating
  18. Work on our quilt
  19. Put the garden to bed
  20. Weed
  21. Brew beer
  22. Go to a wedding
  23. Show love
  24. Spread happiness
  25. Do good

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Posted in: to do lists | Tagged: autumn, reflections, to do, to do list

Summer 2017 To-Do List Wrap-Up

Posted by Carolyn on September 20, 2017 Leave a Comment

We did pretty well this summer!  I did better getting the Girl Tribe and Family Fun lists done than my own.  There are some things we missed that surprise me – we never made ice cream?!  That darn ice cream truck never came by our house.  Another summer passed without making any tie dye. (We did actually hike, I just missed it when I was crossing things off).

We did a really good job with our daily schedule until our trips started in August, then everything got lost in the shuffle.  Same with reading a new book everyday.

Other things, I realized, weren’t that great in the summer.  Why go to the museums when it was so pretty outside? Other things were probably never going to happen – a family bath?  That was Alma’s brilliant and silly idea.

Looking at the list of things I wanted to do for me, it’s pretty clear I just didn’t take much time for myself during the summer.  And that’s okay, because I really did have a great time with my little girl tribe, and Jesse too, when he wasn’t working.

Happy last day of summer!

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Posted in: to do lists | Tagged: summer, to do, to do lists

SEPTEMBER 2017: CURRENTLY

Posted by Carolyn on September 18, 2017 Leave a Comment

reading Louisa Meets Bear.  Kind of.

listening to my Spotify Autumn playlist.

eating lots of apples from our apple picking adventure (pictured above).

looking at Christmas albums and waiting.

wanting to start #30daysofgratitude right now.

seeing leaves changing colors.

wearing sweaters and pants.

loving the tiny drops of rain outside.

breathing in the cool, clean, smoke-free air.

missing Alma while she’s at school all day.

enjoying so much alone time with Harriet.

subbing later this week.

looking forward to it.

working on developing a rhythm to our days in our new normal.

feeling sad that we had to leave our old preschool and our old normal.

(still) fuming about the fact that I was dragged into the bullshit.

wanting to forgive, but finding it hard.

trying to focus on where we are now, and telling myself that different doesn’t equal bad.

having faith that it will all work out.

focusing on the good things – which are actually quite plentiful.

moving on.

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Posted in: a little moment, currently, learned. | Tagged: currently

Harriet’s First Day of School – 4s Preschool

Posted by Carolyn on September 7, 2017 Leave a Comment

This was the last first day of preschool for our family.  What a sweet time this has been.  We loved the school Alma attended for three years, and where Harriet has been the last two years.  Unfortunately, things changed and we felt the need to move Harriet to a new school for her last year.

Luckily we found a really sweet place just down the road from both our house and Alma’s elementary school.  While it makes me really sad that they won’t be in the same place, it’s comforting to me that they’re just a block or two apart.  Also, Alma didn’t have school today (they broke the kindergarten classes into two groups for the firsts and Alma only had to go yesterday), so it was extra special that she got to come to drop-off with us.

Alma has been talking all morning about how she misses Harriet.  She even suggested that we just go pick her up two hours early.  It makes me so excited for next year when they’ll have lunch and recess together at the elementary school.

Harriet was so excited to be at her new school.  She got right to work tracing her name (that’s how they check in in the morning.  I love that idea!), then exploring all the things she could play with.

I’m so proud of how flexible she is these days.  I could have expected her to have a problem with the new school, new teachers, new friends, but she just rolled with it like the strong, brave girl she is.  I’m so excited to see what this year of school will bring to our lovely little Harriet.

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Posted in: a little moment, gave thanks., learned. | Tagged: first day of school, harriet, preschool

Alma’s First Day – Kindergarten

Posted by Carolyn on September 6, 2017 Leave a Comment

Remember when Alma was born?   Or her first day of preschool?  Yesterday, right?  Well, here’s our little baby all ready for kindergarten.

How did this happen?  I mean, I totally get it.  She’s 5 1/2.  She’s becoming such a big kid.  She is generous and kind.  She’s excited to learn how to read and how to do math.  She loves making new friends more than anything.  She’s totally ready for kindergarten.

Harriet, on the other hand, isn’t quite ready for Alma to be in kindergarten.  She’s already asked when Alma’s coming home – twenty times or so.  They have a special bond, for sure.  I’m so excited for next year, when Harriet is in elementary school with Alma.

This morning we all walked Alma down to her bus stop.  We had to wait for a while, but Alma never seemed nervous or worried.  She did complain about her backpack being uncomfortable.  Guess we should break it in a little bit.

Alma hopped right on the bus without a look back (until her bus driver told her to turn around for a photo).  She is such a courageous, smart, friendly, and fun girl.

Harriet and I ended up driving to the school to meet her.  I wanted to make sure it all made sense to her, and she asked if we could meet her there.  Boy am I glad we did.  We went to the cafeteria to get breakfast, and it was a madhouse.  We ran into our friend, Kenton, who’s a 1st grader, but new to the school, and who looked a bit lost.  We all headed to the (long) breakfast line and got some food.  The cafeteria was loud and crowded, but some of Alma’s fun 5th grade friends came to make sure she was doing okay.

I got Alma connected with her teacher, and on her way to music class, then we headed out.

Now I’m just counting the hours and minutes until her bus drops her off.  I’m just glad it’s an early release day so she’ll be home an hour earlier.  I can’t wait to hear all about her day and who she played with and if they had outdoor recess and if she liked the lunch I packed her and and and everything everything everything!

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Posted in: a little moment, gave thanks., learned. | Tagged: alma, first day of school, Parenting

Totality.

Posted by Carolyn on August 21, 2017 Leave a Comment

Today was my first time being in the moon’s shadow.  I say that because I’m now sure that it won’t be my last time.

I don’t know where to start this post.  I could start by talking about the young adult novel I read years ago, where three kids witness a full solar eclipse – and how reading that book convinced me that I need to be in the path someday.  Or I could start by talking about Harriet’s connection with the moon – and how realizing that this would be her birthday convinced me that we all needed to witness it.  Or I could talk about how our house was in 99.6% totality and how I knew – I just knew that wouldn’t be enough.  I could start with all the hype around how Oregon was going to be a madhouse and the traffic would make getting to totality impossible.  I don’t know.  I guess I’ll just tell the story of how we we ended up in the shadow of the moon for over a minute and a half.

A couple days before the eclipse, I mapped out how many different ways we could get from our home in Eugene, to totality in Corvallis.  I figured it would be the best bet since there were so many roads in and out of Corvallis, and having gone to college there, we knew lots of the back roads that we could take.  First contact was to start at 9:05am, and we left Eugene around 8.  We figured we’d get as far north as we could, and just pull off into some farmer’s field if needed.  I pictured traffic backing up through the small towns, and as we approached Corvallis.  No such luck.  We hit absolutely no traffic the whole way up.  None.

As we drove up the highway, and entered the zone of totality, a great weight lifted.  I was there.  I knew I was in the path.  The further north we drove, the better it would be, but if we stopped where we were, we’d at least get a few seconds of shadow.  But further north we went.  We saw people sitting along side country roads with telescopes set up, waiting.  The more people we saw, the more the anticipation grew.

We parked by the football stadium, and walked to a field next to the dorm where we met.  The moment we set out our blanket, a cheer broke out.  First contact.  We put on our glasses, and sure enough, a little bite had been taken out of the sun.  Harriet was enthralled.  She sat silently gazing.  She would have watched the whole eclipse if we had let her, but I wanted her to rest her eyes.  Even with the glasses on, I knew it was important to give our eyes a rest.

For the next hour or so, we checked the sun, chatted with other viewers, looked through pin-hole viewers, noticed that Jesse’s hat was a very effective pin-hole viewer, sending hundreds of little eclipsed suns all over his arms and face.

At 9:45 it got cold.  The Californian next to me commented how how the cool breeze felt good.  It took me a moment to realize it was more than just the breeze.  The air had shifted.  The light had shifted.  It looked like twilight, but different.  The shadows were crisper.  The light was silver instead of gold.  Our shadows were short instead of long.  It was very strange and very awesome.  The earth was changing and we could all sense it.

At 10:11, we all put our glasses on and I told the girls that we should just keep watching until totality.  Cheers were going up all around as the sliver of the moon got smaller and smaller.  The energy of the crowd made me so happy that we were experiencing it with hundreds of other people.  It was a human experience and we all witnessed the world change for a moment, together.

The sun got smaller and smaller then it was gone.  I heard Jesse say, “Look at it!  Look at it!” and I took my glasses off.  I can’t describe what I saw.  What I saw was magic and huge and small and unreal and more perfect and real than anything I’ve ever seen in my entire life.  I wanted to laugh, scream, cry, dance, and never stop seeing it.  I wanted to see it everyday for the rest of my life.  I wanted to burn the image into my mind and never forget it.  I tore my eyes from the glowing moon to look around at the earth.  It was dark and strange.  I laughed out loud at the fact that it was as dark as night.  Streetlights flicked on.  Venus shone down at us.  Everything glowed with a silver sheen.

It was the longest, and the shortest, minute and forty seconds of my life. I looked back to the moon, and saw that it was brightening.  As I put my glasses back on, I saw a flash of the diamond ring effect.  The crescent of the sun grew bigger and bigger.

Just after totality. Already getting brighter out, but still with the silvery light.

As we packed up our things and left the field, I knew I was surrounded by hundreds of people who were changed, like I was.  Harriet asked if we could do it again tomorrow.  If only, my little luna girl, if only.  I know that it was worth the risk of traffic.  It was worth so much more than that.  I know now that I would brave hours of travel and traffic to be in the moon’s shadow again  After we ate lunch, I put my glasses back on and saw a sun that was back to normal.  I knew that the moon was out there, somewhere, invisible to my eyes, but I knew it was there.  That moon, that powerful, graceful moon, when I see it again in our sky it will never look the same.  It will be the normal shape, normal size, it will wax and wane like it has forever, but to me, it will be forever changed.

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Posted in: gave thanks. | Tagged: solar eclipse

Dear Harriet, Age Four

Posted by Carolyn on August 21, 2017 Leave a Comment

Dear Harriet,

I love this blurry photo of us for a few reasons.  First, I’m in it with you and I think it’s important that I get in the shot too, sometimes.  Second, just look at your sweet smile.  We were camping here, and girl, do you love camping.  You love exploring and running and playing and sleeping and swimming and building and s’mores.

This past year has been a doozy.  You definitely followed the trend of three-year-olds being difficult and stubborn.  You showed your opinion quite clearly, to say the least.  You only wanted me to help you and cuddle you and read to you and carry you – dad just wouldn’t do.  You wouldn’t eat anything that wasn’t exactly what you wanted.  You wanted what you wanted and you wanted it when you wanted it.  And it was hard.  Three was hard.

Luckily, the last couple months of three, things started to change.  You started to ask for daddy before me.  You became more flexible and less frustrating.  Thank you so much for that.  Really, Harriet, thank you for that.

Right now you are so much fun.  You are funny and creative.  You fiercely love the people in your life.  You have strong connections with people and are incredibly loyal.  You have changed from being stubborn to being strong (it’s an important difference to note).  I love to hear your opinions and your ideas.  You are so brave and are always willing to try new things, usually with a bit of gentle encouragement.  Last year you were scared to get your face wet, this year you’re swimming without your floaties and going down the big slide at the pool.  Last year you wouldn’t try your balance bike, this year you’re almost ready for pedals.

Four years ago, you were born on a Blue Moon.  Today, we will witness a full solar eclipse.   The planets have aligned.  I’ve always loved the moon, and since you were born four years ago, I’ve loved it even more with the connection between your birth and the moon.  Today we will stand in the moon’s shadow.  I think there is something to this, my girl.  You are my little moon girl and you were born to do great, big things.

Next year we will be getting ready for kindergarten.  But for today, and for this year, I want you to stay my little child, my baby.  No need to rush things, my Hattie Girl.  No need to stop sleeping in my arms.  No need to stop asking for my help.  Ne need to run too far or climb too high.

You are my girl and I love you to the moon and back a million times.

All my love,
Mommy

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Posted in: created., letters for my daughters, writing | Tagged: birthday letter, dear harriet, letter, letters, my daughters
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If God said, ‘Rumi pay homage to everything that has helped you enter my arms,’ there would not be one experience of my life, not one thought, not one feeling, nor any act, I would not bow to. -Rumi

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