daughter Archives - and then they...

Sometimes You Just Say Yes

Posted by Carolyn on February 16, 2015 Leave a Comment

Alma kept talking about painting all day yesterday. When the time was right, I went out to the sunroom, set up her watercolors and paper, and she said, “No! I want to paint the fence!” I have no idea where she got this idea, but I thought it was a good one. Why not? Sometimes you just say ‘yes!’

We started with finger paints and they weren’t working very well, so we switched to tempera. At one point Jesse came out and asked if it would wash off. I just shrugged. Who cares? It’s art. It’s memories. It’s beautiful. It’s yes. And truth be told: we’ll probably have to replace this fence this spring anyway.

All the pink spots are lions. She told me that. Then she said, “Oh! One’s falling down!” Do you see it?

Raising STRONG Girls – One Little Word 2015

Posted by Carolyn on December 31, 2014 2 Comments

“You’re so cute!” “Aren’t you adorable?” “Look at your dress!” “Hi, princess!”

It’s constant. It’s true. My girls are cute, adorable, well-dressed princesses. It’s true. I do my best to make all of those things true. I’m okay with that.

I also do my best to make sure that my girls are smart, brave, funny, clever, curious, caring, and strong. aIMG_3036 I have told Alma that whenever anyone tells her she’s cute, she should say, “Thanks! I’m strong (or brave, or smart, or adventurous), too!”

I’ve taught her that princesses are brave. I’ll tell her, “Be brave, like a princess!” I know that people will call her a princess, I’m just trying to change what that means to her. (isn’t it odd that we call little girls princesses their whole childhoods, and it seems like a good thing, but then they grow up, and become women, and suddenly being called a princess isn’t a good thing, it means that she’s spoiled or self-centered, or high maintenance…?)

Think about the words that we use to describe little boys and girls. Girls get passive words like cute, sweet, silly, princess. Girls get complemented on their clothes, their hair, their appearance. Now boys. Boys get active words like fast, cool, strong, brave, funny, super-hero. Boys get complimented on their actions, their achievements. I do this, you do this. It’s just the way it is.

My nephew once told my mom that girls are cute, and boys are cool. I decided then, and there, that I would compliment his cute clothes next time I saw him. He was wearing swim shorts, and I said, “Cute shorts!” He looked so confused. He really had no idea what I mean, or how to take what I had said.

I want my girls to be girls, but to not have the feeling that being a girl is somehow less than being a boy. I want their words, their self-image, their opinions to be active, not passive. I want them to be strong.

I want them to be STRONG.

So, that’s my word for 2015. I want them to be strong. I want to be strong.

I want to get in shape, physically. I will focus (ahhhh… focus) on that quite a bit this year. I want to be STRONG. I want to be active, flexible, strong.

But, I also want to have strength other places in my life. I want to have strong relationships – with Jesse, the girls, my friends, my family, God. I want to be strong in my choices, opinions, convictions. I want to be resilient, curious, strong.

I want to be a good role model for my girls. I want them to know that their mommy was a strong woman, inside and out. I want to show them how I can be a princess – a princess who is brave, strong, cute, and their mother.

Alma’s New Quilt

Posted by Carolyn on September 11, 2014 5 Comments

Alma just made the transition from her ‘baby bed’ to her ‘big kid bed.’ We actually converted her crib into a twin bed and just had to buy a mattress. Jesse did a great job building the rails and platform for the bed. I love having such a handy husband!

I wanted this quilt to be special, so I actually bought, and (mostly) followed a pattern. All my other quilts have just been of my design and pretty simple. And quite small. This quilt is a whole twin sized quilt. Whoa.

I bought the Atkinson Designs Morning Noon & Night pattern and used the Scrappy Quilt pattern with more of the Sunrise Quilt color design. I wanted to transition from the aqua color to the coral-pink color. I bought the pattern and most of my fabric at my favorite fabric store, Piece by Piece.

As always, I had times where I would get nervous, but it all came together really beautifully, and quite easily.

I love to make the backs of my quilts fun and interesting, too. All these fabrics are fun to look at – fairies, goose rides, hiding kids. I love it.

This is by far my biggest sewing project, and totally one of my favorites!

Hattie’s Weekly Photos

Posted by Carolyn on September 10, 2014 4 Comments

Back when Alma was born, I was inspired by Clara’s Photo Project to create a photo project of my own. We took a photo a week of Alma, and I photoshopped the number into each photo. I loved how it turned out, and knew I wanted to do it again for Hattie.

I love to see how Hattie changed during the year. The tiny, sleepy baby stage is so sweet and short-lived.

I have my favorite weeks, but to be honest, those are always changing.

One thing I have loved about both projects has been the amazing amount of fabric I’ve been able to collect. It’s fun to use the fabric for a quilt, or a dress, or something else. Then when I see the photo, or the dress, I have all these lovely memories of the girls as babies.

This is also something that I offer in my Etsy Shop – H&A Baby. If you bought this for yourself (or someone else! Great baby shower gift, don’t you think?), you would provide me with the photos, and I would edit the images and add the numbers and weeks.

I offer this in both weekly and monthly versions.

Once you have the images, they are yours to do whatever you’d like. I used Picassa to make the collages. I had both of these printed in poster sizes and hung them in the dining room.

Another thing I’ve done for both girls is make photo books on Shutterfly. We gave copies to all the grandparents and kept one for us. In our copy, I wrote down milestones for each week – so it’s kind of like a baby book.

After I finished Hattie’s, I also made a book of both girls with their weekly photos side by side. This is my favorite thing ever. I put both girls in the same pose each week, so it’s fun to see that. I also used the same fabrics when I had them. Seriously my favorite thing ever.

Alma’s Freckles

Posted by Carolyn on July 16, 2014 Leave a Comment

What’s In A Name? – Harriet Olcott

Posted by Carolyn on June 30, 2014 5 Comments

Picking Harriet’s name was a little more tricky than picking Alma’s. This time around, we decided to find out at the 20 week ultrasound whether we were having a boy or a girl. We put of talking about girl names until then.

If she had been a boy, she would have been named Chet David. Chet was my great uncle, who was my hero. He was an amazing man who lived through a lot of amazing and inspiring things. David is both my dad, and Jesse’s dad. Alma would have been Chet David, too. But, she wasn’t a boy.

Since Alma’s middle name is my maternal grandmother’s maiden name, we had talked about giving our second daughter my paternal grandmother’s maiden name – White.

Muriel White with her mom, and father, Harry.

Harriet:

We found out that Harriet was a girl on the same day that my paternal grandma passed away. Her name was Muriel, so we threw that name in the ring. Jesse’s grandma, Daphne, was a great woman who had passed away a few years ago, so her name was up for discussion.

We went to a restaurant and started throwing names out there. We pretty much left with three options:

Daphne White – Daphne for Jesse’s grandma, White for mine.
Muriel Chapin – Or perhaps Murielle. Chapin was Daphne’s maiden name.
Harriet Olcott – Harriet because we liked it, but also sort of for my grandma Muriel’s family (her father was Harry) and Olcott for Chet and Helen.

After lots of discussion, we realized that whenever we talked about a name, we both would say, “I like it, but not as much as Harriet.” That told us something. If we are comparing all the names to Harriet, that must be the name!

So she was Harriet.

Olcott:

I still wanted to honor Chet and his wife, Helen in our child’s name.

Helen and Chet never had kids of their own, but were sort of like second parents to my mom. And they were like a third set of grandparents to my brother and me.

Since they didn’t get to have their own kids to carry on their family history – and since we were so connected to them, I wanted to figure out a way to connect their legacy to future generations.

On a hike. Helen did my hair this morning. I lost a tooth (my first?) this afternoon.

Before World War II Chet went to officer’s training school for the Navy and was sent to Wake Island. On Christmas Eve, 1941, Japanese troops took over the island and took Chet as a Prisoner of War. He spent the remainder of the war in various POW camps in Japan. Just think about that… he was a prisoner from December 1941 until September 1945. Chet never really spoke of his experiences in the camps, but after he died we found journals, letters, artwork and other remembrances of his time as a prisoner. I had always looked up to Chet, but reading his journal solidified his place as my hero.

Chet – in the middle, and the POW camp in Japan.

After the war, he met and married my Granny’s sister-in-law, Helen McHugh (Granny married my grandfather, Frank McHugh during the war). They lived together with an unbelievable view of the ocean for the rest of their lives. Helen and Chet were a third set of grandparents to me. I learned so much from them: never to trust a guarantee, to enjoy and celebrate nature, The Lord’s Prayer, how to have a sense of humor, how to fly a kite and so much more.

Also, Chet’s father was Ben W. Olcott. Ben was governor of Oregon after Oswald West. That makes both of our girls a part of Oregon history. And that’s pretty cool.

What’s In A Name? – Alma West

Posted by Carolyn on June 16, 2014 5 Comments

Back in 2007, Jesse and I were getting ready to leave for the Peace Corps. I had just found out my Granny was sick, and dying. My Granny was Jean West McHugh. We made the decision that should we ever have a daughter, we’d use West as her middle name. A friend joked that if we named her an A name, her initials would be AWW, that that would be very cute. So I decided that my daughter would be Amelia West Williams.

Then I read The History of Love. And Amelia got really popular. And there was a character in The History of Love named Alma. And I changed my mind.

Then we moved to Azerbaijan and learned that alma means apple. And I changed my mind even more.

So Alma was the perfect name. And West was the perfect middle name.

Alma:

The first woman may have been Eve, but the first girl will always be Alma… Maybe the first time you saw her you were ten. She was standing in the sun scratching her legs. Or tracing letters in the dirt with a stick. her hair was being pulled. Or she was pulling someone’s hair. And a part of you was drawn to her, and a part of you resisted – wanting to ride off on your bicycle, kick a stone, remain uncomplicated. In the same breath you felt the strength of a man, and a self-pity that made you feel small and hurt. Part of you thought: Please don’t look at me. If you don’t, I can still turn away. And part of you thought: Look at me.

The History of Love by Nicole Krauss is a lovely book. Alma is a main character, and also all the characters. You can read more about her here.

Alma also means soul, nurturing, and of course apple.

It suits our girl. She loves to say it. It’s unique, but still a name. It is short, and sweet, and sounds good. It feels good to say, the sounds sort of softly mix in your mouth.

I should perhaps explain that we pronounce it with the A’s sounding the same – the a is pronounced as in ‘all,’ ‘almost,’ or ‘Azerbaijan.’. Ahhhhlmahhh.

West:

My grandmother (my mom’s mom) was always a special lady to me. She taught me many things about art, culture, the world, humor, confidence, family, and toughness.

She was born to Oswald and Mabel West. Oswald West was a man ahead of his time. He was Oregon’s 14th governor, from 1911 until 1915. During his time in office he passed laws that gave women the right to vote, end capitol punishment and made Oregon’s coast public land. He also passed prohibition laws, but let’s not hold that against him.

Oswald West had the foresight to make the beaches part of the Oregon highway system, thus ensuring that no one could ever privately own the beaches. Oswald West State Park is named for him. It is one of the most beautiful stretches of the Oregon coast and one of the most beautiful parks in Oregon.

My mom loved him as her grandfather. She called him Go-Go because he would always take her on walks around his Portland neighborhood and down the street to the park. When he died in 1960, the Oregon Journal wrote of him, “perhaps no one in the state’s history leaves a more lasting impression on it than West.”

We gave Alma the middle name West to honor both her great-grandmother and how much she meant to me, and her great-great-grandfather. They left legacies for us as a family, and for the whole state of Oregon.

That’s our girl. Full of spirit, history, and love. Alma West.

Dear Harriet – 6 Months

Posted by andthenthey on March 3, 2014 Leave a Comment

Dear Harriet,

I can’t tell you how glad I am that you are in our family. You have made our family so much more fun! Your sister, your daddy, and I love to see your sweet smiles. You smile with your whole body, bringing your hands together in front of your body. It’s like you’re trying to grab the joy and pull it to your heart. I try to take it all in, because it’s so clear that you are trying to do the same.

You are an expert sitter. You have been for quite a while. You are happy to sit somewhere where you can see the action. You like to be somewhere you can watch your sister run around, dance, and play. You love it when she stops and gives you some attention and love.

You are patient and mellow, except when you’re not. And when you’re not, you make it known. You have a very loud voice, and you love to use it.

You sleep through the night, mostly. You do like to wake up one time in the early morning for a snack, but usually go back to sleep for a couple hours afterward. The other night you slept until 7:18 and I was amazed! Let’s keep that up!

You are growing right on track. At your appointment with Dr. B today she said you are perfect. I quite agree.

I love you, and love everything you bring to our family.

Always,

Your Mommy

A Love Letter to My Two-Year-Old

Posted by andthenthey on January 3, 2014 Leave a Comment

Dear Alma,

Today you turn two years old. Two years ago, you gave me the best thing in the world. You gave me you. You made me a mom. You made me your mom. That is important for you to know. I love being your mom. You are best two-year-old there ever was. As your mom, I’m supposed to think that, but believe me, Alma, it is true. I have never known anything to be more true than that. You are the best. You are beautiful, Alma.

Your mind is the best. Right now you are talking to yourself, or your dolls, or your dreams, in your crib. You should be napping, but I love to hear your sweet voice through your door. The nap will come soon enough, when you decide to lay your head on your pillow and fall asleep. As a two-year-old, I see things in you that weren’t there last year. You are able to play by yourself so well. Your imagination astonishes me everyday. You create little games, and turn toys into different things all the time. Your creativity is beautiful, Alma.

Your body is the best. Your body has grown so much this year. You are really learning how to use your strong, graceful, energetic body. You love dancing so much these days. Ever since we saw the Nutcracker at the library, you are a regular little ballerina. You ask for music all the time. When the music comes on, you dance. I love watching everything about how you dance. You get such a serious face, or sometimes a proud little grin. You control your body as you mimic what you saw the dancers do. I can tell that in your mind, you look just like them. I love how you seamlessly go between the soft moves of the Sugar Plum Fairy, to the sword thrusting moves of the Mouse King. And you can jump! Boy, how you can jump! Your body is beautiful, Alma.

Your brain is the best. You learn new words everyday. The words you’ve known for a long time are starting to come out of your little mouth, in your most amazing voice. You are starting to learn your colors. You call me Mom or Mama. Your dad is Daddy or Dada or somethings Jesse. Harriet is Hathhh with your tongue sticking out. You love to look at books. You love to read them yourself, making up amazing stories in your own little language. You like to tell these stories to Harriet. You can follow my directions. You are quick to figure things out, like how to use your blocks, unlock Nana’s cell phone, buckle your high chair straps. Your brain is beautiful, Alma

Your love is the best. I have seen your love in such an incredible way this year. When you met your sister, I think your heart must have grown a few sizes. The way you look at her, especially now that she’s starting to be more fun, is astonishing. You love to see Harriet looking at you, watching you, smiling at you. I can tell you love having Harriet on your team. Your love is beautiful, Alma.

You are the best. You are so, so beautiful, Alma. I am so excited to see the ways you will grow more beautiful this year, Alma.

Love,

Your Mommy

From Sisters to Friends

Posted by andthenthey on December 3, 2013 1 Comment

When we brought Harriet home from the hospital, I wasn’t sure how Alma would react. When I was pregnant with Harriet, whenever anyone asked me how I was preparing Alma, I would feel the tears very close to the surface. I was so sad for her. I was mourning the fact that she would be losing some of our love and attention.

I would picture her little heart breaking as our hearts transitioned from loving just her, to loving another. I asked everyone if it was really, truly possible to love another baby as much, and still love Alma as much as I always had. I couldn’t understand that it was possible. I couldn’t understand how Alma would deal with losing some of my love – because that was the only way I could fathom the transfer of love onto the second child.

It was confusing to me, so I imagined it was undecipherable to Alma’s 20 month old mind. How could we prepare my baby to understand that there was another baby growing in my belly, and soon she would come out and be real? There was no way.

I totally cried as we left Alma with my parents, and headed to the hospital. I felt like I was losing something – losing her.

But, as with all things concerning love, I was wildly mistaken. I was over-thinking it. I had Harriet, and instantly loved her as much as I have ever loved Alma – just like I was told I would. When I saw Alma again, I still loved her just as much as ever. Somehow, despite all my ideas to the contrary, my heart had enough room for both my girls.

And Alma? Alma got a sister. She came in, saw Harriet in her swing, and didn’t seem at all confused about the situation. She went right up to her and seemed to welcome her. Somehow she knew – she knew – this was her sister.

Now Harriet is three months old and I am constantly amazed at their evolving relationship. While we certainly have our moments when I think Alma would rather have all our attention – or, rather that Harriet not get much of our attention – she is generally a very good big sister. If Harriet is crying, Alma will run over and try to help her. She will give her her pacifier, or her blanket, or just touch her cheek. Harriet’s eyes are on Alma if she is anywhere near by, and Alma gets a lot of Harriet’s sweet smiles.

I think Alma is figuring out that Harriet will be a playmate someday. She will crawl up next to Harriet when she is playing on the floor. She will try to show Harriet how to use the toys on her playmat. She will share her toys with Harriet (I often find toys tucked into Harriet’s swing and carseat). She gets it.

I was so busy worrying about how Alma would react to losing our love, that I forgot to imagine how she would react to gaining the love of her sister. I am just starting to see glimmers of their sweet friendship developing, and I am so excited to see how strong it will grow.

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