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Ballet

Posted by Carolyn on May 21, 2015 Leave a Comment

There are some things we do in our lives that seem to define us. For me, ballet is one of those things. I danced from when I was three until high school, and a little in college. So much of who I am stems from my dancing. The way I walk, the way I move, the way I hear music, the way I stretch.

I was never particularly great, but I didn’t know that. To me, my dream of being a real ballerina was a possibility. A real possibility. I loved all of ballet, but I especially loved the leaps. I would do leap turns around and around the studio, trying to get higher, faster.

When we finally learned to do fouette turns, and I felt like I was finally a real ballerina. I could hop onto pointe, use my other leg to send me in turn after turn after turn.

My dance recitals are some of my favorite memories of childhood. I loved the preparation as our teacher would choreograph and teach us the moves. We would pour over the costume catalogs and memorize our music. Then we would practice. Those days were the best. We would do our barre work, then rush to practice.

Dress rehearsals and photographs meant the recital was almost there.

Then the day came.

We would go in the stage door of the Hult Center (like real ballerinas). We would go to the dressing rooms (like real ballerinas). We would go up to the wings and wait for our music to start (like real ballerinas).

Then, for a few minutes, with the stage lights shining, we were real ballerinas. The audience was watching us, counting our fouettes, cheering us on.

Those things, those experiences, made me who I am today.

Those things are helping make my children who they are today.

Last weekend was Alma’s first ballet recital. Those moments that I experienced over and over in my childhood were upon us in Alma’s young childhood. I was backstage with Alma and her group. I got to watch her experience those same things. She watched as the big girls got their hair done. She had a woman put her crown in her hair. She posed for the photographer. She was silly with her friends. She went into the wings. She watched the dancers. She saw magic happen before her eyes. She heard her music and went on stage. She heard the audience react to what she was doing. She was a ballerina.And the whole experience is making her into a person, a girl, a woman, a ballerina. And it’s changing who I am, too.

The things we are doing are defining who Alma will become. It’s magical.

(Alma is second from right, at least in the beginning… I told her to jump up and down if she forgot the steps…)

Family Portraits

Posted by Carolyn on May 16, 2015 Leave a Comment

When Alma and Harriet were babies, they had portraits done. That’s the only time I can think of since our wedding that anyone in our family has had portraits done. For my birthday this year, my parents gave us a session with a wonderful photographer for family portraits.

Courtney Theim was amazing to work with. She was incredibly flexible as we waited for a break in the weather to head up to Hendrick’s park. We met her early one morning and she took some beautiful family portraits with magical light and the incredible backdrop that is the park in springtime.

Here are some of my favorites.

I’m not often in front of the camera, so I’m so happy to have these. I could write a whole blog post about body image and moms missing from family photos, but I’m sure you’ve all read it before. The main thing is that I don’t want to look back at my life and not see myself in the photos. I also don’t want my daughters to see me missing. My beautiful, silly girl, with those sweet freckles. Come on, seriously. Harriet is so lovely.I love Harriet’s closed eyes here. And our strawberry blond curls. Look at Harriet looking at Alma. So much love and admiration right there. Believe me that it is mutual. Courtney wanted to try this hand photo, and Harriet didn’t want to play along. I’m astonished that Courtney was able to catch the split second all our hands were stacked up. That’s talent, folks. Please contact Courtney if you need some photos done. She’s wonderfully professional, and was great with the kids. And the proof’s in the pudding. The photos are amazing.

Mother’s Day

Posted by Carolyn on May 10, 2015 Leave a Comment

This is such a tricky day. While I love my kids, and love the fact that there is a day to celebrate my mother(s) and be celebrated, it almost seems like a slap-in-the-face holiday.

I have friends who aren’t parents, who never want to be parents. I imagine this day is a strange one, where Facebook and Instagram become overrun with notes of thanks for the children that made them mamas, and celebrations of the husbands who spoil them for the mere fact of being a mother.

I have friends who aren’t parents, who want to be parents. I imagine this day is full of pain, seeing the yearly (and frankly, constant) reminder that they don’t have what they so dearly desire. The reminder that prayer and medicine isn’t enough. My heart breaks on this day for those friends.

While I want to be celebrated and appreciated for what I do as a mother (I really, really want to be celebrated, this shit is hard), I also want to get rid of this holiday that blatantly leaves out a certain population. That blatantly leaves out some of my dearest friends. Because, honestly, I know that it is much harder to want to be a mother, and not be able to.

When we were younger, we tried to have children for about a year, with no success. We decided to stop trying and decide if we’d be happy if it was just the two of us, or if we should look into other options for having kids. We decided that we would be happy, and that’s when we found out about Alma. I know that story sounds trite and motherhood-elitist, but it is our truth. The reason I write about it here, is to show that I can understand (at least a little bit) what it feels like to try and not succeed. I also know what it feels like to decide not to have kids, and picture a life as a non-mother.

I currently have friends who are finally pregnant (after ten years of trying and praying), and friends who are in the process of adopting. While not particularly close to these friends, I keep up with them on Facebook and Instagram. I feel like their journeys have been long. I feel like their journeys have been hard. I want them to know that I have been, and continue to be, with them through it all (as much as is possible in our internet age). I honestly and truly hold them in my heart, especially today.

I want them to know that I said a prayer for them today in church. And they are in my prayers often.

I want them to know that they should be celebrated. Celebrated as the mothers they want to be, and the people they are now – with or without children of their own.

I think it is great to celebrate motherhood. We wouldn’t be here without it.

I just want to take a moment to celebrate everyone else.

Today, and always, I love you.

Playgroup Novruz 2015

Posted by Carolyn on March 24, 2015 Leave a Comment

I’ve written about our magical playgroup before (here and here and here and here), so you understand how much I love this group of kids and their parents. I’ve also written about Novruz before (Here and here and here and here and here), so you understand how much I love this holiday.

This year we had a beautiful, sunny day to have Alma’s (and Harriet’s) friends over for some egg-dying, fire-jumping, egg-cracking fun.

Obviously, we took a lot of photos.

We started with eggs. It was much less frantic than last year. Partly because it was nice enough to dye outside, so I wasn’t as worried about spills. I still felt like I had to keep a careful eye on Harriet. She wanted all the eggs.

We used our backyard eggs this year, and I love how the brown eggs turned out. They are beautiful, right? Muted and moody and earthy.

Next, we went out to start the fire and do some jumping. Jesse and Anthony (and Aster) were our fire-masters and got a good fire going. We need to remember marshmallows next year!

When the fire had died down a little bit, we got to the jumping going. It’s fun to see the kids get into this. I also love how we can get a whole group of people saying Ağırlıgım- uğurluğum bu odda qalsın! It’s so great to share a bit of Azerbaijan and our time in the Peace Corps with our friends. Hello Peace Corps third goal!

Aren’t those some joyous faces on those fire jumpers? Love it.

Next came the egg cracking game. I’m pretty sure Hannah won this year. Is that right? You can see her below studying the strategy so she could swoop in and win it all.

After eating eggs and Azeri baklava, the kids had a great time dancing and playing while the grown-ups enjoyed some adult conversations. I love these people.

A Letter of Admiration for Middle Schoolers

Posted by Carolyn on February 23, 2015 5 Comments

Dear Middle Schoolers,

I think you’re awesome. I know that you might not care what I – a stay at home mom/ substitute teacher – think of you, but I just wanted to say it. I get to spend most of my days with my two little tiny daughters. I love my job at home with them. But, I also get to spend a few days a week with you guys. I have to tell you that I look forward to these days so much. That is because you’re awesome. You are caring. You are bright. You are funny. You are going to change our world.

When I get to step into your classroom, your turf, you welcome me with such enthusiasm. It is such a joy to walk down your halls and hear you tell me how happy you are that I’m there, or ask whose room I’m in. You make me feel like part of the team, part of your team. I love when you ask me about my kids, or tell me you saw me somewhere. I love seeing you out in public, and seeing the moment of recognition on your face. Seeing a teacher in public is strange (I remember), and I’m always so impressed with you when you take the time to say hello, or introduce me to your parents.

Having you care about me warms my heart, but seeing you care about each other makes it soar. Bullying is a big thing in middle schools. Always has been, probably always will be. You are trying on different personalities, some good, some bad. You will make mistakes and treat others poorly, and most of you will learn from it. This is a time in your lives that you should be given some space to make these mistakes, after all, you are still children. But, you are also becoming adults, so after you’ve made your mistakes, it is time to learn how to own up to them, and figure out how to make things right.

Every time I’m in your schools, I see you do this. I see someone care for someone else. You are learning so much more than the Common Core, or the state standards. You are learning how to be adults.

I love subbing in your schools, because it’s so much fun to see you learn. You are at an age that you can read a novel, or a memoir, or an article, and have a well-informed discussion about the texts. You are thinking on a deep level, adding inquiry to your conversations. Your brains are soaking things up, your hearts are pumping ideas, and your mouths are sharing your ideas, opinions, questions, and realizations with each other. You are all so bright, and intelligent, and you are all trying so hard. And that’s what’s important.

I have so much fun when I am in your classrooms. You constantly crack me up, even when I know I should be serious. You are at such a fun age, an age when you really develop a sense of humor, and timing. I know that I can give you a hard time sometimes, and that you will give it right back to me. You are incredibly random, and that cracks me up. You make of strange names for me, for no other reason than to let me know that you think I’m cool.

I have heard that some adults don’t really like you. They think you’re rude, uninterested, self-absorbed, disrespectful. I think they just don’t get you. They don’t understand that you are becoming who you are, and that takes a bit of work. I see that you are interested, and interesting. If there is a cause that you believe in, I guarantee that there is no one who will work harder to achieve a goal than you will. You have the tenacity, the motivation, and the energy of a hundred adults when it comes to something you believe in. You seriously could change the world. You seriously will.

I wanted you to know that, for whatever it’s worth, you are respected, admired, encouraged, and loved. I think you’re awesome. I can’t wait to see what you do with our little world.

In Gratitude,

Mrs. Williams (or Carolyn)

Sometimes You Just Say Yes

Posted by Carolyn on February 16, 2015 Leave a Comment

Alma kept talking about painting all day yesterday. When the time was right, I went out to the sunroom, set up her watercolors and paper, and she said, “No! I want to paint the fence!” I have no idea where she got this idea, but I thought it was a good one. Why not? Sometimes you just say ‘yes!’

We started with finger paints and they weren’t working very well, so we switched to tempera. At one point Jesse came out and asked if it would wash off. I just shrugged. Who cares? It’s art. It’s memories. It’s beautiful. It’s yes. And truth be told: we’ll probably have to replace this fence this spring anyway.

All the pink spots are lions. She told me that. Then she said, “Oh! One’s falling down!” Do you see it?

New Dresses for the Girls

Posted by Carolyn on February 3, 2015 2 Comments

As part of my resolution to sew from my stash, I decided to make new dresses for the girls. I used Shwin and Shwin’s Holiday Dress pattern for the bodices, and made some amazingly twirly skirts using my own mind.

A day in San Francisco seemed like the perfect time for the girls to wear the dresses. They were perfect – short sleeved, colorful, twirly, and fun. They had the added bonus of making the girls super easy to spot in a crowd. I was able to use some of the more random fabrics that I didn’t have any ideas for – ahem scissors – and also some of my cherished favorites. Both dresses have the purple flowers and matyroshka dolls, but the rest are unique. I love Alma’s mashallahs and Hattie’s bee sleeves. Alma’s dress has two big sparkly blue bottons. Harriet’s dress has the one leftover sparkly button, and a cute pink bubbly button. I loved making these dresses. They were really quick to sew, and really fun to wear. I’m planning on making a couple like it for an upcoming silent auction at Alma’s school, and maybe a few for the Etsy shop.

Also, check back tomorrow for more photos of our time in San Francisco!

A New Coat for Hattie

Posted by Carolyn on November 26, 2014 3 Comments

I took my first sewing class a few weeks ago at Piece By Piece. In the class we made baby coats, so I made a new coat for Hattie. I used a cute owl fabric for the main coat, a sweet mushroom fabric for the pockets, and a soft flannel polka dot fabric for the lining. We followed Olive Ann Designs’ Hoodie Baby pattern, but we didn’t really follow the directions. Our instructor, Celeste just told us, and showed us what to do. She was fantastic! I learned so much about sewing clothes from her. Now for some photo overload:

Friday Gratitudes 40, 41, 42 & 43

Posted by Carolyn on October 31, 2014 Leave a Comment

3: Friday
4: Traditions
5: Dad
6: Walking
7: Church
8: Love
9: Family
10: Rach
11: Autumn
12: Friends
13: Holiday
14: Friends
15: Motivation
16: Home
17: Friends
18: Art
19: Church
20: HealthFirst
21: Friends
22: Autumn
23: Bedtime
24: FitBit
25: Family
26: Friends
27: Mom
28: Church
29: Time
30: Me-Time