love

Matchy Matchy Heart Dresses

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I still have so much fabric left over from the weekly photos I took of the girls during their first year.  Alma and Harriet are outgrowing the dresses I made them last Winter.  Valentine’s Day is coming up.  So… I made some new dresses for the girls.

I have to admit that I never thought I would be the kind of mom who would dress her daughters in matching dresses.  Turns out I am that kind of mom.  I am totally that kind of mom.  I’ve done it more than I expected, and I love it every single time.  So be it.  Can you blame me?

I mean, seriously.  They are just the two cutest sisters that ever were.  Especially when they make the same absurd random expression.  Don’t even ask, I have no idea.

Gotta love ’em!

This pattern is my take on Shwin and Shwin’s amazing dress pattern.

New Love-ly Mantel

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It’s almost Valentine’s day, so I thought I should put up some love-ly stuff on the mantel.  Get it?

I had the great honor of winning these kissing dogs at the annual Christmas party white elephant gift exchange.  We’ve been going to this party for the past few years, and these dogs always make a showing, being passed from house to house, from closet to closet.  Now that I’ve received these wonderful puppies, I know that I’m really part of the gang.

I think people are usually freaked out by these perfectly loving doggies, but not me, folks.  These canines are getting special front and center treatment this year.  I might not even take them to the gift exchange next year.  They might be mine forever.  Deal with it.

I felt that, since Valentine’s Day is coming up, and since it’s all about love, what better way to show my love for love than by a sculpture of two blue-eyeshadowed dogs in a sweet, loving embrace, gently kissing with peacefully closed eyes?  There is no better way.

Mic drop, am I right?

Mother’s Day

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This is such a tricky day.  While I love my kids, and love the fact that there is a day to celebrate my mother(s) and be celebrated, it almost seems like a slap-in-the-face holiday.

I have friends who aren’t parents, who never want to be parents.  I imagine this day is a strange one, where Facebook and Instagram become overrun with notes of thanks for the children that made them mamas, and celebrations of the husbands who spoil them for the mere fact of being a mother.

I have friends who aren’t parents, who want to be parents.  I imagine this day is full of pain, seeing the yearly (and frankly, constant) reminder that they don’t have what they so dearly desire.  The reminder that prayer and medicine isn’t enough.  My heart breaks on this day for those friends.

While I want to be celebrated and appreciated for what I do as a mother (I really, really want to be celebrated, this shit is hard), I also want to get rid of this holiday that blatantly leaves out a certain population.  That blatantly leaves out some of my dearest friends.  Because, honestly, I know that it is much harder to want to be a mother, and not be able to.

When we were younger, we tried to have children for about a year, with no success.  We decided to stop trying and decide if we’d be happy if it was just the two of us, or if we should look into other options for having kids.  We decided that we would be happy, and that’s when we found out about Alma.  I know that story sounds trite and motherhood-elitist, but it is our truth.  The reason I write about it here, is to show that I can understand (at least a little bit) what it feels like to try and not succeed.  I also know what it feels like to decide not to have kids, and picture a life as a non-mother.

I currently have friends who are finally pregnant (after ten years of trying and praying), and friends who are in the process of adopting.  While not particularly close to these friends, I keep up with them on Facebook and Instagram.  I feel like their journeys have been long.  I feel like their journeys have been hard.  I want them to know that I have been, and continue to be, with them through it all (as much as is possible in our internet age).  I honestly and truly hold them in my heart, especially today.

I want them to know that I said a prayer for them today in church.  And they are in my prayers often.

I want them to know that they should be celebrated.  Celebrated as the mothers they want to be, and the people they are now – with or without children of their own.

I think it is great to celebrate motherhood.  We wouldn’t be here without it.

I just want to take a moment to celebrate everyone else.

Today, and always, I love you.

35 Things to do Before I Turn 35

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Yesterday was my birthday!  I am now proud to say that I have made 34 trips around the sun.  Pretty cool journey we get to take each year, flying around in outer space.  For my 35th years, I decided to make a list of 35 things to do before I turn 35. ABM_1424992821Here’s my list:

  1. Read a book a month.  This should be easy since I have book club every month.  If I keep up with the club, this will be complete!  Note to self: must get this month’s book!
  2. Sign up for life insurance.  Not to be morbid, or anything.  But, yeah.
  3. Try a Barre3 class.
  4. Get a monthly massage.  I would love to complete this goal, but I think it might be one of the less likely.
  5. Try acupuncture.
  6. Get a haircut.  I’m pretty much on a once yearly schedule, and my last haircut was last March.  I did this right before my trip to California!  I love it how the stylist thins out my hair.  Feels so much lighter!
  7. Try 5 recipes from my new cookbook!
  8. Spend a weekend at the beach.
  9. Spend a weekend in the mountains.
  10. Can something.  Maybe tomatoes, pizza sauce, green beans?  What do you think, friends?  I know I have some amazing canning friends!
  11. Get our garden going again.  It has been sadly ignored since I’ve either been pregnant or living with a small baby for the past 3 summers.
  12. Focus on getting my Etsy shop going.  Note:  It has a new name and address – CaroMade!
  13. Post one new listing on CaroMade every month.
  14. Do a creative retreat – either an organized one, or organize my own!
  15. Get more chickens.
  16. Get back on my daily chore schedule!  Our house neeeeeeeds it!
  17. Go to Disneyland!  Yes!  We took Alma there with my cousin and his family.  So perfect.
  18. Go to a Broadway musical – it will more than likely be on tour, but it will count and it will be amazing.
  19. Hike 35 miles.  Or maybe 35 kilometers might be more attainable.
  20. Get the trailer set up and go on bike rides with the girls.
  21. Rent a limo.  I’m thinking wine tasting, or Christmas lights?
  22. Make and sew a huge cushion for our hearth.
  23. Get chairs recovered.
  24. Get estimates to get our house painted.
  25. Set up some good seasonal capsule wardrobes.
  26. 5 Days of Christmas crafts on the blog.
  27. Get going on a creative, relaxing morning routine.
  28. More author interviews on the blog.
  29. Plant a tree, or lots of trees.
  30. Take a class.  Sewing?  Cooking? Writing?
  31. Sew some clothing for me.
  32. Make art of Alma’s and Harriet’s rooms.
  33. Go to the Country Fair.
  34. Go camping.
  35. Build a sandcastle or a snowman.

And…. GO!

Sometimes You Just Say Yes

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IMG_6225Alma kept talking about painting all day yesterday.  When the time was right, I went out to the sunroom, set up her watercolors and paper, and she said, “No! I want to paint the fence!”  I have no idea where she got this idea, but I thought it was a good one.  Why not?  Sometimes you just say ‘yes!’

IMG_6184 IMG_6185 IMG_6188 IMG_6190We started with finger paints and they weren’t working very well, so we switched to tempera.  At one point Jesse came out and asked if it would wash off.  I just shrugged.  Who cares?  It’s art.  It’s memories.  It’s beautiful.  It’s yes.  And truth be told: we’ll probably have to replace this fence this spring anyway.

IMG_6196 IMG_6201 IMG_6203 IMG_6205 IMG_6208 IMG_6210

All the pink spots are lions.  She told me that.  Then she said, “Oh!  One’s falling down!”  Do you see it?IMG_6222 IMG_6224

Our Love is Here to Stay

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Our time in this universe is limited.  We are just a blink.  Humanity is just a blink.   When our civilization dies out, I imagine the Earth as a huge ball of love.  As if our lives have burned up, leaving a smoke of love.  After all this, our love is here to stay.

I know that when people die, it is their love that remains.  The happy memories and feeling of happiness and love are what’s left of my grandparents.  Bach left his sonatas, also full of love.  Artists leave their love on their canvases.  Parents leave their love in the children.  Anyone who has ever made anything is adding to that smoke of love.

Sure, there’s war and hatred, in the world and in our lives.  I get that.  But, does any of that last?  Does it have to?

Let’s just do the love.

Watch this:

Pfssst.

 

A New Quilt For A New Cousin

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Alma and Harriet are getting a new cousin very, very soon, so that meant it was time for a new quilt!  I love this one.  It is so cheerful.  I’m also really happy with it because it uses only fabrics that I already owned.  That means that there are already memories, love, and other babies connected to this quilt.  I can see pieces from sheets I made for my friend’s baby, parts of quilts for two of my nephews, Alma’s Halloween costume/apron, Alma’s and Harriet’s weekly photo projects, Harriet’s baby quilt.  You see, lots of love.

Our new family member is being born far away in Minnesota, to my step-brother and his wife.  They chose to wait until birth to find out if the baby is a boy or a girl.  We did this with Alma, and really loved the experience.  I think this quilt will be perfect no matter who they have.

The quilting got a little wonky, but hey.  Whatever.  Gives it that homemade-with-love character.  You can’t buy that in a store!

We are all so excited to meet you, little baby. You are already so, so loved.  Even though I know it will be quite a while before I get to meet you, I’m glad your parents will be able to wrap you up in this quilt that I made for you, with love.

A Love Letter to My Two-Year-Old

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Dear Alma,

Today you turn two years old.  Two years ago, you gave me the best thing in the world.  You gave me you.  You made me a mom.  You made me your mom.  That is important for you to know.  I love being your mom.  You are best two-year-old there ever was.  As your mom, I’m supposed to think that, but believe me, Alma, it is true.  I have never known anything to be more true than that.  You are the best.  You are beautiful, Alma.

Your mind is the best.  Right now you are talking to yourself, or your dolls, or your dreams, in your crib.  You should be napping, but I love to hear your sweet voice through your door.  The nap will come soon enough, when you decide to lay your head on your pillow and fall asleep.  As a two-year-old, I see things in you that weren’t there last year.  You are able to play by yourself so well.  Your imagination astonishes me everyday.  You create little games, and turn toys into different things all the time.  Your creativity is beautiful, Alma.

Your body is the best.  Your body has grown so much this year.  You are really learning how to use your strong, graceful, energetic body.  You love dancing so much these days.  Ever since we saw the Nutcracker at the library, you are a regular little ballerina.  You ask for music all the time.  When the music comes on, you dance.  I love watching everything about how you dance.  You get such a serious face, or sometimes a proud little grin.  You control your body as you mimic what you saw the dancers do.  I can tell that in your mind, you look just like them.  I love how you seamlessly go between the soft moves of the Sugar Plum Fairy, to the sword thrusting moves of the Mouse King.  And you can jump!  Boy, how you can jump!  Your body is beautiful, Alma.

Your brain is the best.  You learn new words everyday.  The words you’ve known for a long time are starting to come out of your little mouth, in your most amazing voice.  You are starting to learn your colors.  You call me Mom or Mama.  Your dad is Daddy or Dada or somethings Jesse.  Harriet is Hathhh with your tongue sticking out.  You love to look at books.  You love to read them yourself, making up amazing stories in your own little language.  You like to tell these stories to Harriet.  You can follow my directions.  You are quick to figure things out, like how to use your blocks, unlock Nana’s cell phone, buckle your high chair straps.  Your brain is beautiful, Alma

Your love is the best.  I have seen your love in such an incredible way this year.  When you met your sister, I think your heart must have grown a few sizes.  The way you look at her, especially now that she’s starting to be more fun, is astonishing.  You love to see Harriet looking at you, watching you, smiling at you.  I can tell you love having Harriet on your team.  Your love is beautiful, Alma.

You are the best.  You are so, so beautiful, Alma.  I am so excited to see the ways you will grow more beautiful this year, Alma.

Love,

Your Mommy

Baby Alma