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“I Choose You” – a One Little Word Theme Song

Posted by Carolyn on January 12, 2016 Leave a Comment

I like to have theme songs.  Music has always been a huge part of my life, and right now, Sara Bareilles is a huge part of my life.  (I’ve written about her here and here and here and here and here).

This song keeps popping up on my Pandora and Spotify stations, and it is spot on for my One Little Word – CHOOSE.  I mean, “I Choose You” is a love song, but I’m listening to it as a love song to my self.  There are some lyrics that are particularly perfect for how I’m feeling about CHOOSE for 2016:

And I believe in something again
My whole heart
Will be yours forever
This is a beautiful start
To a lifelong love letter

Tell the world that we finally got it all right
I choose you
I will become yours and you will become mine
I choose you

I’m choosing, this year, to write a lifelong love letter to myself.  To make choices that are good for my body and soul.  I’m choosing to do things that will affect and impact my life for more than just 2016.  That’s the magic of these Little Words.  You never know where they will take you, or what they have in store for you.

We are not perfect
We’ll learn from our mistakes
And as long as it takes
I will prove my love to you
I am not scared of the elements
I am under-prepared, but I am willing
And even better


Let the bough break, let it come down crashing
Let the sun fade out to a dark sky
I can’t say I’d even notice it was absent
Cause I could live by the light in your eyes
I’ll unfold before you
Would have strung together
The very first words
Of a lifelong love letter

Tell the world that we finally got it all right
I choose you
I will become yours and you will become mine
I choose you

There was a time when I would have believed them
If they told me you could not come true
Just love’s illusion
But then you found me and everything changed
And I believe in something again
My whole heart
Will be yours forever
This is a beautiful start
To a lifelong love letter

Tell the world that we finally got it all right
I choose you
I will become yours and you will become mine
I choose you

We are not perfect
We’ll learn from our mistakes
And as long as it takes
I will prove my love to you
I am not scared of the elements
I am under-prepared, but I am willing
And even better
I get to be the other half of you

Tell the world that we finally got it all right
I choose you
I will become yours and you will become mine
I choose you

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Posted in: CHOOSE, gave thanks., one little word | Tagged: 2016, CHOOSE, goals, I choose you, music, one little word, sara bareilles

Dear Alma, Age 4

Posted by Carolyn on January 3, 2016 1 Comment
Photo by Outi Henry

Dear Alma,

January 3rd is a very special day to me.  Not only is it the day you were born, but it is the day that I became a mother.  I don’t know why, but this past year, I’ve been thinking about that a lot.

Photo by Outi Henry

Yesterday, I asked you if you knew that I wasn’t a mommy before I had you.  You looked surprised and asked me, “What were you?”  I told you I was just Carolyn and that seemed to make sense.

Whenever I talk about things I did before you were born, you always say, “And I was in your tummy.”  I used to explain that no, not yet.  Now I don’t correct you.  Maybe it’s because you’ve been here so long that it’s almost hard to image who Carolyn was before you made me into Mommy.  Maybe it’s because I’ve realized that in some way, you have always been with me.

Photo by Outi Henry

There’s a song that I’m listening to on repeat right now.  It’s from a new musical by Sara Bareilles about a woman, who, in the end has a baby.  She looks into her baby’s eyes and instantly becomes a mother.

I know that everything changed when I had you, Alma. Everything.

I used to be able to read books about children without crying.  Now, I’m a mess reading to you.  I can’t read Rosie Revere without thinking about how you need to know how capable you are.  I can’t read On the Night You Were Born without thinking about how important you are.  Even books I used to love have changed.  When I read From the Mixed-up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler, I see the story from the parents’ perspective, and it makes the book much less enjoyable.

Anyway, Alma, this is all to say that 4 year ago everything changed.  I changed.  The whole world changed.  This world used to be full of possibilities for my life, now it’s full of so much more.  It’s full of a whole lifetime of possibilities for you.

Photo by Outi Henry

This past year you have really become a person to me.  You have grown up so much.  You can express yourself perfectly.  You have such a funny sense of humor.  You are confident and strong.  [Today you went up in front of our whole church, by yourself, and said “I’m Alma.  Today’s my birthday.  I’m four.  I got a lot of presents.”]

I know that this letter is a little bit jumbled, but I have so much I want to say to you today, on your 4th birthday.  I love you.  I’m proud of you.  I thank God for you.  I am happy to guide you.  I am sorry for when I’m not the best mother I can be.  I need your help to get it all right.  I appreciate your spirit.  You are my girl.  You are special.  You are strong.  You are brave.  You are beautiful.

I couldn’t love you any more than I do, and I couldn’t be more proud,
Love,
Mommy

Today’s a day like any other
But I am changed
I am a mother
Oh in an instant
And who I was has disappeared
It doesn’t matter, now you’re here
So innocent
I was lost for you to find
And now I’m yours and you are mine
Two tiny hands, a pair of eyes
An unsung melody is mine for safekeeping
And I will guard it with my life
I’d hang the moon for it to shine on her sleeping
Starting here and starting now
I can feel the heart of how
Everything changes
My heart’s at the wheel now
And all my mistakes
They make sense when I turn them around
Everything changes
What I thought was so permanent fades
And I swear I’ll remember to say we were both born today
Oh, and it’s true
What did I do to deserve you
I didn’t know, but now I see
Sometimes what is, is meant to be
You saved me
My blurry lines, my messy life
Come into focus in a tied, maybe
I can heal and I can breathe
‘Cause I can feel myself believe
That everything changes
My heart’s at the wheel now
And all my mistakes
They make sense when I turn them around
Everything changes
What I thought was so permanent fades
And I swear I’ll remember to say we were both born today
Oh, and it’s true
What did I do to deserve you
Thank God for you

-Sara Bareilles

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Posted in: gave thanks., letters for my daughters, parented., writing | Tagged: alma, birthday, children, Daughters, dear alma, sara bareilles
If God said, ‘Rumi pay homage to everything that has helped you enter my arms,’ there would not be one experience of my life, not one thought, not one feeling, nor any act, I would not bow to. -Rumi

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